Leaf-burning...Lord of the Rings-style!

Now, Morgan, why didn't we think of this? Launching a flaming tennis ball into a gasoline-soaked mountain of leaves! Of course! It's so simple!

Your daily chuckle: The Creepy King

Message to the spammer who's trying to anonymously post their crap on my blog...

"Fuck off, you filthy sack of weasel spunk. I have my blog set up so your bullshit attempts to post your ads have to go through me first. This is my house, and your shitty scammer website will never appear on the screens of the people who share my time here, if I have anything to say about it...and I do. So crawl pathetically back into the dank, dark void you call your sorry-ass life and EAT SHIT!!!"

I am An Old Young Guy, and I approve of this message.

Three new Burger King games for XBOX...cheap!

I saw not long ago that Burger King was apparently going to have a new game for XBOX called "Sneak King", in which you play the Burger King mascot from the commercials, and go around and give people BK food. See for yourself:

At first I thought it was a joke, but it's for real! Starting this morning, Burger King has Sneak King plus Pocket Bike Racer and Big Bumpin' (a bumper-car game) available for the low price of $3.99 each. I picked up all three and played Sneak King briefly at a friend's place, and it was pretty fun! The others will probably be fairly enjoyable as well.

As you can imagine, all three are BK themed, so they all have the King and that giant chicken from the previous series of commercials, as well as other elements of the restaurant, I'm sure. Also, each game says they will play on both the XBOX 360 and the regular XBOX, so nobody will be left out in the cold on this one.

They're only available while supplies last, so if you have an XBOX, and want some inexpensive entertainment, check them out!

By the way, here's a preview for Pocket Bike Racer. I couldn't find one for Big Bumpin'.

EDIT (11/28/06): Finally found Big Bumpin'. Enjoy.

Time for another video

Gonna be a slow period for blogging for a few days, so here's a video to tie you over. "While My Guitar Gently Weeps", performed by various artists at the 2004 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction of George Harrison...featuring one heluva kick-ass guitar solo by the incomparable Prince. Bring an extra pair of socks, 'cause they're gonna be rocked right off.

Blogger Beta, a personal dilemma

Ok, so everyone I know on here has pretty much switched to the new Blogger Beta format. I'm hesitant to do this, as I don't want to take a chance on screwing up what I've worked hard on creating here (and yes, I realize I said "hard on"...ha ha).

So, my question is, will switching to Beta mess up my blog and take me back to a plain old start-up-type format, or will I be able to keep what I have? I would imagine just copying my current template into the Beta would be the answer, but I don't know if I want to take the chance, since they made it clear that when you switch you can't go back.

Advice?

Life's Annoying Music #6: "You Should Be Dancing"

The Bee Gees. Dear Lord in Heaven...The Bee Gees. What did we do to deserve this caterwauling family...these Gibbs who feel it necessary to vocalize their "disco" at us...this trio of banshees in shiny, white polyester and crispy chest-hair. What, O Lord, what?

Ok, maybe that's a little extreme. Like most music artists in history, I can appreciate their place in the grand scheme of things, and whatever influence they may have had on other artists. Honestly, though, I can't think of anyone who would actually admit they were influenced by the freaking Bee Gees, either with a straight face or without fear of ridicule. Anyway, I have to admit they do have a couple songs I can actually tolerate; songs in which the brothers sang with fairly normal voices, and the listener is able to comprehend most of the lyrics. That's their problem, in my opinion. They sing with those screechy, abnormal falsetto voices, and you can't understand crap they say. That's what is annoying about The Bee Gees, and never so annoying as in the song "You Should Be Dancing".

What is up with this song? Can anyone understand this? Did the Gibbs get Elton John's help in writing these indecipherable lyrics?

"Woodja-gibble-diddy-gibbledy-gibb...Yeaaaaaaahh!
Woodja-gibble-diddy-gibbledy-gibb...Yeaaaaaaahh!
You should be dancing...yeah!"

What the fuck is this, Esperanto? Some weird language twins teach each other?

Well, anyway...that's my take on the Bee Gees, and that concludes this edition of Life's Annoying Music. I can't think of anything else to say about them, so I'm going to bed now. Later!

One year of blogging!

I like change occasionally. Not drastic change, too often, but usually just a little something different to look at, or take in, or whatever. A little redecorating, if you will.

This day marks the one year anniversary of the beginning of my blogging experience. I've tried to keep my blog unique and my own, while pouring my deepest (and sometimes fairly meaningless) thoughts and feelings into it, for the brief entertainment (hopefully) of the few people who actually take the time to come in for a visit and give their two cents about whatever it is I may be rambling and/or ranting about.

So, it's for all these reasons (redecorating, uniqueness and entertainment) that I have decided to make a couple changes to my little corner of the internet here.

First of all, I decided I've tired of the "Lonely Infidel" moniker, at least as far as making direct references to me, this site and/or its contents. This blog, as you can see above, is now "The Life and Times of An Old Young Guy". That's what I am: an old guy on the outside, and still very much a kid on the inside. I'm going to be 40 in a few short months, and I refuse to let that fact cause me some kind of clichéd mid-life crisis.

The next change I made is, again, the obvious change to the blog header. Neato, huh? Well, I think so.

Lastly, one thing that is not changing is the web address. I realized there are too many backlinks and whatnot to my blog to have to worry about people changing things around. So, if you are one of the few people who have actually cared enough to choose to visit me on occasion via a quick click, you can still get here with the same old address of http://lonelyinfidel.blogspot.com.

Thank you for your continued patronage, and I hope I can continue my now yearlong tradition of reminding people why they should stay on their meds.

Hasta la pizza!

My new theme song

"Gloom, despair, and agony on me.
Deep, dark depression, excessive misery.
If it weren't for bad luck,
I'd have no luck at all.
Gloom, despair, and agony on me."

I don't know what's more depressing...the words to the song, or the fact that my new theme song is from fucking Hee Haw!

Faith Hill, country music's Kanye West

I'm sure everybody has heard about this by now. The entire world, and a majority of the internet, is trading opinions about Faith Hill's reaction to losing Female Vocalist of the Year to American Idol's Carrie Underwood, at the annual CMA awards on Monday night.

The first story from the Hill camp is that she didn't know the camera was on. Right. How many award shows have you been to, Faith? You're nominated for an award, you're standing backstage, they're about to announce the winner, and you have a camera pointed at you. Did you think that thing was going to start hurling tennis balls at you or something? You sure as hell didn't appear to have a racket in your hand, so my guess is you knew exactly what was going on.

Then the story changed to suggest it was a joke. Again...right. What kind of moron pulls this kind of stunt on purpose? You're at a ritzy award show, where everyone is dressed up and dignified, and you're going to play a little joke by acting like you're pissed that you didn't win, and make yourself look like an ass in front of millions of people, including everyone at the show? What kind of career move is that? Not buying it, Faith.

Then, we have an official statement from Faith herself on her website that reads as follows:

"The idea that I would act disrespectful towards a fellow musician is unimaginable to me. For this to become a focus of attention given the talent gathered is utterly ridiculous. Carrie Underwood is a talented and deserving Female Vocalist of The Year."

Well, Faith, if your reaction was a joke, then that's exactly what you wanted everyone to think...that you were pissed off, and thereby disrespecting a fellow musician! So which is it?

Let's let the video speak for itself:

Faith, you screwed up. You made a bad, knee-jerk decision to react poorly, and you should have owned up to it and apologized to Carrie and your fans. Instead, you've shown the world your true colors, and you'll be lucky to get back whatever amount of respect you had before.

Best wishes, Diva.

The Cutco Resolution (or Asshole eBay Seller, Part II)

Remember the fun I had with the jerk in the previous post? Well, you'll be glad to hear I found another seller with the same knife, and I now have a completely acceptable replacement for my original broken knife. The handle is a little darker in color than the knives in my set, but when you put it in the case with the others you really can't tell too much. Plus, the blade is just as shiny and scratch-free as my other knives, so I consider this a perfect fit, and my set is now complete again!

Thanks,"Bud" from eBay!

Life's Little Mysteries #3: Klumpy Kool-Aid

Why is it that Orange flavor Kool-Aid is the only one that clumps when you add the water and start stirring it up? You know what I'm talking about...those big clumps of powder that you have to break apart on the side of the pitcher with the spoon. None of the other flavors do that. Is there some scientific reasoning to explain this phenomenon? Someone out there please invent something to keep these clumps from annoying the piss out of me.

Poetry Corner: Shelley's Sickness Poem

Your chest is congested, your whole head aches,
It's like someone's trying to stone ya.
So you're much too sick, plus I'm too far,
for me to come up there and bone ya.
So if there's anything I can do from here,
just say the word and I'll phone ya.
In the meantime, you get lots of rest,
so this doesn't turn into pneumonia.

Life's Annoying Music #5: Kanye West, Prick Supreme

Kanye...move in real close to the screen and take in this impression of what all the world is going to think of you by the time you're finished (if you ever finish) with your fucking antics:

And for everyone else reading this, if you don't know what this is in reference to, read here. (Thanks to Randy Miller III on DVDTalk for the link.)

Life's Annoying Music #4: It's a 3-fer today!

It turns out there's all kinds of annoying music out there. You hear it in the car (where luckily you can turn it off or change it), you hear it at work or at the store (where you unfortunately have to put up with it)...and it's just incredible how much most of today's music SUCKS ASS!!!

Now, I don't consider myself a music snob. If anything, I'm just the opposite. I like a wide variety of music, and I was educated in music in school. I've loved music my whole life. My life would be empty without it.

But, the thing is, music has lost something over the last 10-15 years. It's no longer original. There's no feeling to it. It's all about the record companies using the acts they sign as playing cards in a big game to see who'll win the biggest pot. And the acts do the same thing, themselves. They write songs they know will sell to the mindless masses.

I think it has to do with life experiences. Music's great songs have always been based on life experiences, or at the very least the composer can tell a great story within the 3-4 minutes alloted him/her. Nobody has these life experiences anymore, and those of us who do are too busy living them to be able to sit down and put them to freaking music! And if those songs are being written, I'm sure as hell not hearing them. Why? Because all the music industry wants to sell us anymore is music that hot girls can shake their ass to, and today's songwriter's version of a "life experience" is who they've banged lately, or they didn't get their double squirt of mocha in their macchiato. Oh, the horror.

Oh well. Enough about that. Here's a three-pack sample of today's poor excuse for music:

1. Justin Timberlake - Sexy Back: Justin, here's a tip for you...repeating the same words over and over and over and over for several minutes is not a "song". There's nothing more annoying to me in this world than constant repetition, especially in music, and if I hear this song too many more times, I swear to you I will track you down, wherever you are...and I will be forced to use harsh language in your presence. I'm not a violent person, so that's about all I got.
2. Nelly Furtado w/Timbaland - Promiscuous: Well, here we go. The newest artist to sell herself out and hook up with the black-producer-of-the-minute, just for the sake of selling more records. Why don't you just call the song I'm A Huge Slut And Don't Care Who Knows It...either way, it's a real nice message to be sending out to all the young girls talking their parents into blindly buying this crap for them.
3. Green Day - When I Come Around: Now, it's not really Green Day I have the problem with. I think they're pretty cool. They're definitely original enough that when they're played on the radio, I know it's them, and I like their stuff. But this song...oh my god...will you guys please go back and re-record this? Billie Joe, you've had some success since releasing this song, so I'm sure you have a little extra cash...have you ever had that sinus problem taken care of? Good lord, man...if I were you back then, and a producer wanted me to record an album while I was in the middle of a head cold like that, I would have told him not until I had downed at least two quarts of Robitussin and slept for about a week. Truth be told, you still look a little sleepy, duder.

Life's Philosophical Quandaries #4: Chivalry

Do you think guys really want to open doors for a woman, or is it just an excuse to look at her ass?

Discuss.

Life's Annoying Music #3: Kelly Clarkson

Ok, now don't get the wrong idea here. Kelly Clarkson herself is not annoying, nor is the fact that she even has a music career (this would be foreshadowing to a future post about the idiotic, useless TV entertainment crap they call American Idol, the show that brought Kelly into our consciousness...more later...I promise).

As you can see, Kelly is a very attractive girl, and if you've heard her on the radio, you know she has a genuinely nice voice. So what's annoying about her? Well, from what I've heard, on her last two or three singles, about 2/3 of the way into each song, she lets loose what can be best described as a Viking battle cry. I don't know if this is her trademark or something, but like I said, I've noticed it in several of her songs.

Then, as soon as the call to Valhalla leaves her throat, the music either stops or at least several of the instruments playing behind her stop or get quieter. It's almost like the guys in the band are either stunned senseless momentarily, or they're forced to stop playing to hold their ears. Kelly Clarkson: human EMP. I can just envision the band in the studio looking at Kelly like "Jeez, woman...do you have to do that?"

Well, I guess it's actually not so much annoying as it is weird.