Life's Little Rants #5: DIE, Walkie-Talkie Cell Phones!!!
Most of you probably already know what I'm going to be talking about just by reading the title of this post, and if you're as annoyed as I am, I'm sure you'll relate, so I'll just begin by asking a simple question:
WHAT THE FREAKING HELL IS UP WITH THESE DAMN THINGS?!?
Ok...now that I've gotten that off my chest, let's back-track a little.
I understand the occasional need for a hands-free cell phone that you can use like a walkie-talkie. It works just like its name suggests: if, at that particular time, you don't have the capability of using your phone in the normal fashion (namely, the traditional "phone to ear" position), you can utilize these phones to continue talking while performing whatever task you may have been forced to undertake, at the time of inferred call.
First of all, is the call really so important that you can't ask to call them back, or them to call you back when your hands are free? Is your need to stay connected to someone or someplace so great that you can't just tell yourself "I'd better shut my phone off so I don't have to worry about calls until I get this finished"? Is anyone in this world really so important? Ok, maybe that last question is for another rant, another time...we'll discuss certain-people-in-the-world's right to exist in the future.
You know what? We can probably just disregard that last paragraph altogether. Why? Because every person I've seen using these damn phones doesn't use them the way they're supposed to anyway!!! Their hands are completely free, and instead of just holding the cockamamie thing up to their hollow head like a normal human being, they hold it out in front of them and talk into the air, like the phone is another person standing right in front of them! News flash: you are not Captain Kirk, and that is not a tricorder. Or better yet, they hold it about 5 or 6 inches away from their ears, and I have to restrain myself not to go up and push it the rest of the way against them and fasten it down with duct tape! Did you just pop in from the 16th century, Gonfeld? It's a phone! It goes up against your head! You listen to it in privacy so the rest of us don't have to listen to the inane ramblings of the mental equivalent of you on the other end! CHIRP! Wassup? CHIRP! Not much, dog. CHIRP! We goin' road trippin' later? CHIRP! Naw, man, my ol' lady done snagged my keys 'cause of what happened last time. CHIRP! Shiiiiiiiit! CHIRP! Aw, that ain't the half of it.....
Excuse me...do you happen to have a large lead pipe I could borrow?
Do they think they're trying to impress me by showing me and the rest of the world that they have this nifty miracle of modern technology? News flash update: everybody and their guinea pig has a cell phone, so if you want to impress me, show me a phone that freezes time and space, or that instantly transports me anywhere in the world, or one containing artificial intelligence that will know when I'm feeling down and call me with comforting words. Hands-free-walkie-talkie-speakerphone? Please.
You know what these people need? A special room like smokers have; their own area where they can all sit and CHIRP to their hearts' content, and we can just pretend we're next to a lovely aviary, filled with the dulcet tones of several species of brightly-colored.......dumbasses.
While I do admit to understanding the need for something like this in certain situations, I have to submit that this feature on cell phones is, essentially, useless!!! There is nothing in this world, nothing, that cannot wait until later, and that has to be broadcast into the air for all of mankind's listening pleasure. And by the same token, if the call is that important, you can certainly stop what you're doing and pay it the attention it may deserve.
Call them back. Let them call you back. I don't want to hear your conversation. Your hands are not free, so therefore you...are...busy! You are not available to take their call at this time. Please try your call again later. Goodbye!
(click)
WHAT THE FREAKING HELL IS UP WITH THESE DAMN THINGS?!?
Ok...now that I've gotten that off my chest, let's back-track a little.
I understand the occasional need for a hands-free cell phone that you can use like a walkie-talkie. It works just like its name suggests: if, at that particular time, you don't have the capability of using your phone in the normal fashion (namely, the traditional "phone to ear" position), you can utilize these phones to continue talking while performing whatever task you may have been forced to undertake, at the time of inferred call.
First of all, is the call really so important that you can't ask to call them back, or them to call you back when your hands are free? Is your need to stay connected to someone or someplace so great that you can't just tell yourself "I'd better shut my phone off so I don't have to worry about calls until I get this finished"? Is anyone in this world really so important? Ok, maybe that last question is for another rant, another time...we'll discuss certain-people-in-the-world's right to exist in the future.
You know what? We can probably just disregard that last paragraph altogether. Why? Because every person I've seen using these damn phones doesn't use them the way they're supposed to anyway!!! Their hands are completely free, and instead of just holding the cockamamie thing up to their hollow head like a normal human being, they hold it out in front of them and talk into the air, like the phone is another person standing right in front of them! News flash: you are not Captain Kirk, and that is not a tricorder. Or better yet, they hold it about 5 or 6 inches away from their ears, and I have to restrain myself not to go up and push it the rest of the way against them and fasten it down with duct tape! Did you just pop in from the 16th century, Gonfeld? It's a phone! It goes up against your head! You listen to it in privacy so the rest of us don't have to listen to the inane ramblings of the mental equivalent of you on the other end! CHIRP! Wassup? CHIRP! Not much, dog. CHIRP! We goin' road trippin' later? CHIRP! Naw, man, my ol' lady done snagged my keys 'cause of what happened last time. CHIRP! Shiiiiiiiit! CHIRP! Aw, that ain't the half of it.....
Excuse me...do you happen to have a large lead pipe I could borrow?
Do they think they're trying to impress me by showing me and the rest of the world that they have this nifty miracle of modern technology? News flash update: everybody and their guinea pig has a cell phone, so if you want to impress me, show me a phone that freezes time and space, or that instantly transports me anywhere in the world, or one containing artificial intelligence that will know when I'm feeling down and call me with comforting words. Hands-free-walkie-talkie-speakerphone? Please.
You know what these people need? A special room like smokers have; their own area where they can all sit and CHIRP to their hearts' content, and we can just pretend we're next to a lovely aviary, filled with the dulcet tones of several species of brightly-colored.......dumbasses.
While I do admit to understanding the need for something like this in certain situations, I have to submit that this feature on cell phones is, essentially, useless!!! There is nothing in this world, nothing, that cannot wait until later, and that has to be broadcast into the air for all of mankind's listening pleasure. And by the same token, if the call is that important, you can certainly stop what you're doing and pay it the attention it may deserve.
Call them back. Let them call you back. I don't want to hear your conversation. Your hands are not free, so therefore you...are...busy! You are not available to take their call at this time. Please try your call again later. Goodbye!
(click)
posted by aboynamedjimmy at 3:33 AM
4 Comments:
Uh, maybe I shouldn't tell you about my new phone... just kidding, I'm an ass, but I like to pretend that I'm not a dumbass. Actually, I've never seen these, so I guess I should count myself lucky. I do see the little bluetooth sets which are the second piece of true borg enhancements I've seen (the first being the wristwatch.) I like the idea of the aviary, so we know where to place the bombs...
Oh, I don't have any problem with headset-type things, as long as it's attached to their ear/head, and I don't have to hear their conversations. Hell, I have a little headset for MY cell phone. I mostly hate that stupid chirping. Couldn't they make a walkie-talkie-type of phone that DOESN'T do that?
I like the headsets. If I had one, I'd wear it all the time. It either says (1)I'm too important to only be here now, or (2)I wasn't geeky enough, so now I'm wearing my phone 24/7.
The chirp, according to IEEE standards, is mandatory. Apparently it's some kind of social experiment to clearly label stupid people.
What a coincidence. "IEEE" is what I feel like screaming when I hear that first chirp from someone's phone! ;-)
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