Cartoon battle, part 2

So, let me get this straight...

The fighting, protests, violence and many deaths are still going on over some foreign guy's cartoon depiction of Mohammed, yet I don't recall hearing anything five years ago about an entire episode of South Park depicting Mohammed as one of the Super Best Friends, whose members included Jesus, Buddah, and Sea-Man, among others, and with their "super-powers", they battled magician David Blaine's mass-suicide cultists and a giant, living statue of Abraham Lincoln, finally defeating it by making a giant, living statue of John Wilkes Booth.

Does that about cover it?

"Driver? Please stop the world...I want to get off now."

Life's Little Rants #4: Lottery Winnings + IRS = Legal Robbery

The recent Powerball drawing got me thinking, how the hell can the IRS justify taking so much damn money from the winner? People all across the country win lotteries every week, and the government automatically takes its sizeable chunk...for what? Where does that money go? I've always heard the proceeds for lotteries go to fund the school systems and such, but what does the IRS need with so much freaking money?!? How can our country claim to be in debt when government agencies like the IRS are sitting on the billions of dollars they rip out of our paychecks (and the aforementioned lotteries) every week? When are people going to band together and do something about the crooks in our government who just keep getting richer and richer while we keep getting poorer and poorer? I'm personally sick and tired of working my ass off to pay the salary of Joe-In-Office, whose sole job, seemingly, is voting on ways to get more money from the people who voted him behind his cushy desk in the first place!

As far as the lottery is concerned, if I were to win that much money, and I would find myself unable to get out of paying the IRS its mighty portion of my winnings, I would make them sign an agreement to never, ever tax me again for the rest of my life. I look at it this way: if I were to win millions of dollars, I would most likely never work again. If they take several million of my dollars for taxes, that would represent more money than they would have ever seen from me in 10,000 of my lifetimes as an employed American citizen. I would make them admit that their ill-gotten booty is "satisfactory", and I would demand to be placed in a status of "he's good to go".

And if any readers out there try to argue in favor of the government, and it being "the law", let me tell you how laws are categorized in my eyes:

1. Laws that make perfect sense and should be followed to the letter, for the good of yourself and everyone involved. These are few and far between, but they do exist.
2. Laws that don't necessarily make a large amount of sense, but we understand them, and simply follow them because someone would be affected if we don't follow them...and deep down, we really are good people, aren't we? These laws are the greatest in number.
3. Laws that make no sense whatsoever, and we don't see what good they serve to anybody at all. This is where income and lottery taxes fall...and most traffic laws.

I'm not calling for an uprising or general lawlessness from "My Fellow Americans" or anything. In fact, I admit this post may turn out to be greatly naive, in that perhaps I just don't understand the taxing system, and why it may be good I'm being bilked for half of what I earn every week. Maybe someone can make me understand why, if I win $365M in the lottery, I'm only going to receive $124.1M. Maybe some nice government worker (three words that definitely look extremely odd together, in any combination) can log on here and justify why the IRS needs 2/3 of my winnings. Maybe? Perhaps? Does someone in the government care?

Did I really just ask that as a serious question?

Just thought I'd share...#2

For ARS:

Just another day

"Valentine's Day"...

...whatever.

Here's to me:

Celebration

Ever think about birthdays? I don't mean like worrying about what you're going to get whoever for their next one, or even trying to remember everybody's. I mean the concept of birthdays in general. Why do we celebrate them? It's a seemingly easy question. We celebrate birthdays to show the ones we love that we're glad they were born. Wait...we do it to show the ones we love we're glad they're alive. Ummm...to do something nice for someone so we'll get laid? Not such an easy question, is it? Actually, it can be all those things, or it can be something different for different people, and it depends on whose birthday they're celebrating.

For me, there's a certain birthday that's almost inexpressibly special, but I'll attempt the words anyway, albeit briefly.

Today, I celebrate the existance of the most incredible person I have ever had the joy of knowing in my entire life (from a romantic standpoint, anyway). I hold an insurmountable amount of love inside for her; a love I treasure; a love I know I'm a better person than I ever was before for achieving. Had she never been born on this day, I would have never had this feeling in me, and I would be a lesser man for the absence. The fact that she gave the most precious gift of her love to a slob like me humbles me to my very core.

Wherever our roads lead us, I take great pleasure in knowing that I am never really alone, I am always safe and warm, and I have been loved by this woman.

Happy Birthday, Shelley. :-)



----> Click me! <----

My Future

All right, I've decided what I'm going to do...

I'm going to borrow a page from Futurama, but take it to another level.

1. I will write my own bible about the creation and rule of an omnipotent, humanoid Pickle God.
2. I will create items and artifacts (and probably pictures) of undeniable proof as to the existance of said Pickle God.
3. I will bury the bible and the items of proof in various places around the world, where they are calculated to remain hidden for approximately 500 years.
4. I will freeze myself for a thousand years. That will give people plenty of time to base their lives for generation upon generation on the Pickle teachings. Scholars, clerics and scientists will debate endlessly over the mysterious "Jar of Turin". The phrase "Hold The Pickle" will become a universal motto of love and unity.
5. When the timer goes off, I will emerge in my Pickle suit in a glorious "second coming" and lead my faithful Picklepalians on a worldwide crusade...back to my apartment, where I will remove the pickle suit and ask everyone, "Now, don't you feel a little silly?"

I figure that's about the time I'll die horribly, but it'll be pretty funny for a second.

Only one problem with an extravagant stunt like that, though...

Where am I going to find a giant pickle suit that will stand up to a thousand year cryogenic freeze?

It's the end of the world as we know it...over a cartoon?!?

I don't know a lot about this story, but I know just enough to know that a lot of people of a certain religion are all up in arms (quite literally, from what I understand) over a silly cartoon (possibly a political cartoon; like I said, I don't know a lot about it) that they feel depicts their religion in a bad light. You know what? Boo hoo! It's just a cartoon!

Has our world gotten so ridiculous that so many people can grow into this large of a furor because one person expressed their opinion of something in the form of a drawing? Who the fuck cares? Seriously folks, I realize everyone has the right to their religious freedom, but everyone also has the right to their opinion. So someone wants to make a goofy commentary on something you believe in, strongly or not. Why should you care? Does that common nobody's opinion matter that much that you should feel shaken somehow in your beliefs? Who cares what he thinks?!? Go back to your prayers, love your god, cherish your beliefs...and realize IT'S JUST A CARTOON!!!

Why does someone make a drawing like that? I would say, most of the time, it's because they're making fun of something they may not completely understand. Doesn't religion teach us to take someone in, not necessarily to make them share our beliefs, but to help them understand what they're mocking? If that doesn't work, so be it, we tried, we go back to our beliefs, and whatever happens to them is their own problem. We're the better person for at least trying. But then, we're not talking about our own, run-of-the-mill, love thy neighbor, Western religion here. Which brings us to the next point...

I'm not going to get into a diatribe about America's policies, and current occupation of places they may or may not have business being. I'm going to get to somewhat of a bottom line by stating that we all need to find common ground quickly, before the entire planet goes up in flames. Not common ground in the sense that we need to start practicing each other's beliefs, or adopting one another's governmental structures. Common ground in the sense that we have to start accepting everyone's boundaries. I believe that the only way we can begin tearing down boundaries is by accepting that there are boundaries to begin with, and respect them. It's a simple process, and it saddens me that people can't see it.

1. Accept that everyone is entitled to their opinion. You may not agree with it, and you're more than welcome to discuss it, if the other party is willing to discuss, but nothing will be accomplished by anger, hatred and violence.
2. Everyone is entitled to their religious beliefs. Same reasoning as before.
3. Give people their space. If you are in their space, and they don't want you there, get out. Respecting someone's personal space is something that's practiced on a person-to-person basis every day, for the single purpose of avoiding conflict, and should be expanded to a global basis. Let people deal with their own problems, and when they're ready to talk to you, they will. If not...see number one.

There's also a lesson in this for the cartoonists, as well. So listen up:

We're dealing with people whose religious beliefs apparently teach them to strike down non-believers, with great vengeance and fuuuuuurious anger. These are people you do not want to piss off. You have the right to your opinion, and to express it. BUT...realize who you're dealing with, and respect...people's...boundaries. You may have not intended anything harmful with your cartoon, and were just making a point, but put yourself in someone else's sandals before you make a statement against their beliefs. Do you really want to start WWIII with a few strokes of your Sharpie and several swipes from the paint pallette?

And to all you folks running around the streets burning things and yelling and screaming:

With all due respect, don't you have something else to do? Does your god really want you to seek retribution against an entire nation because some clown drew a picture? Was that great of an injustice really done to you? Come on, people...say it with me:

"It's...just...a...CARTOON!!!"

Can't we all just get along? Seriously, why don't we each do our part, and start off the getting-along on a personal level. Invite someone from a totally different religious background over for some non-offensive snacks...maybe Kool-Aid and pretzels or something like that...and just get to know each other. Don't get into debates about religion or anything like that. Talk about what music you like, what you like to do on your days off work, talk about your kids (should you have any). The main point here is to listen to each other. That's why we're having so many problems in the world. Nobody wants to listen. Everybody wants to talk like what's on their mind is the only thing that matters.

Common ground, people. It's not about having things in common. It's learning about, and respecting, the things we may not.

Give it a try.

(Oh, and by the way...sorry about the "boo hoo" at the beginning of the post. Different mindset at the time. Hopefully I ironed it out by the end. Very disrespectful. My apologies. Please don't kill me.)

For Grandma

It's been two years to the day since my wonderful grandmother passed away. In a few short months, it will be four years since my equally wonderful mom passed. If I had been blogging earlier last year, I would have already added something about Mom, but I'll save that for when that time comes, and make a more involved post about my feelings for both of them then. Today is about recognizing Grandma.

I miss her tremendously, and sometimes I forget just how big an impact she made on my life through the years. Well, maybe not consciously forget, but I've done a large part of my grieving over the past couple years, and the person Grandma was is part of who I am today, so she's always with me. She gave of herself so much, and helped me out more than I could have ever thanked her for, even if she were still with us today. If there is a place where our loved ones go when they're done on this world, and if they can see what's going through our minds and what lies in our hearts, then she knows how I feel, and how grateful and lucky I am to be able to say this incredible woman was my grandma. If that place does exist, I hope to be there someday with her, and with Mom.

I love you, Grandma. Thank you for being who you were, who you are to me still, and for loving me for who I am.

If any of you have loved ones who have passed, here's a site my uncle introduced me to. I have a section dedicated to Grandma there. It's free to register, and it's a nice place for memorials.

Poetry Corner: "Victor"

Victor was a little baby
Into this world he came
His father took him on his knee and said,
"Don't dishonour the family name."
Victor looked up at his father
Looked up with big round eyes
His father said, "Victor, my only son,
Don't you ever, ever tell lies."
Victor and his father went riding
Out in a little dog-cart
His father took a Bible from his pocket and read,
"Blessed are the pure in heart."
It was a frosty December
It wasn't the season for fruits
His father fell dead of heart disease
While lacing up his boots.
It was a frosty December
When into his grave he sank
His uncle found Victor a post as a cashier
In the Midland Counties Bank.
It was a frosty December
Victor was only eighteen
But his figures were neat and his margins were straight
And his cuffs were always clean.
He took a room at the Peveril
A respectable boarding-house
And Time watched Victor day after day
As a cat will watch a mouse.
The clerks slapped Victor on the shoulder
"Have you ever had a woman?", they said,
"Come downtown with us on Saturday night."
Victor smiled and shook his head.
The manager sat in his office
Smoked a Corona cigar
Said, "Victor's a decent fellow, but
He's too mousy to go far."
Victor went up to his bedroom
Set the alarm bell
Climbed into bed, took his Bible and read
Of what happened to Jezebel.
It was the First of April
Anna to the Peveril came
Her eyes, her lips, her breasts, her hips
And her smile set men aflame.
She looked as pure as a schoolgirl
On her First Communion day
But her kisses were like the best champagne
When she gave herself away.
It was the Second of April
She was wearing a coat of fur
Victor met her upon the stair
And he fell in love with her.
The first time he made his proposal,
She laughed, said, "I'll never wed."
The second time there was a pause
Then she smiled and shook her head.
Anna looked into her mirror
Pouted and gave a frown
Said, "Victor's as dull as a wet afternoon,
But I've got to settle down."
The third time he made his proposal
As they walked by the Reservoir
She gave him a kiss like a blow on the head
Said, "You are my heart's desire."
They were married early in August
She said, "Kiss me, you funny boy."
Victor took her in his arms and said,
"O my Helen of Troy."
It was the middle of September
Victor came to the office one day
He was wearing a flower in his buttonhole
He was late but he was gay.
The clerks were talking of Anna
The door was just ajar
One said, "Poor old Victor, but where ignorance
Is bliss, et cetera."
Victor stood still as a statue
The door was just ajar
One said, "God, what fun I had with her
In that Baby Austin car."
Victor walked out into the High Street
He walked to the edge of town
He came to the allotments and the rubbish heap
And his tears came tumbling down.
Victor looked up at the sunset
As he stood there all alone
Cried, "Are you in Heaven, Father?"
But the sky said, "Address not known."
Victor looked at the mountains
The mountains all covered in snow
Cried, "Are you pleased with me, Father?"
And the answer came back, "No."
Victor came to the forest
Cried, "Father, will she ever be true?"
And the oaks and the beeches shook their heads
And they answered, "Not to you."
Victor came to the meadow
Where the wind went sweeping by
Cried, "O Father, I love her so."
But the wind said, "She must die."
Victor came to the river
Running so deep and so still
Crying, "O Father, what shall I do?"
And the river answered, "Kill."
Anna was sitting at table,
Drawing cards from a pack
Anna was sitting at table
Waiting for her husband to come back.
It wasn't the Jack of Diamonds
Nor the Joker she drew first
It wasn't the King or the Queen of Hearts
But the Ace of Spades reversed.
Victor stood in the doorway
He didn't utter a word
She said, "What's the matter, darling?"
He behaved as if he hadn't heard.
There was a voice in his left ear
There was a voice in his right
There was a voice at the base of his skull
Saying, "She must die tonight."
Victor picked up a carving-knife
His features were set and drawn
Said, "Anna, it would have been better for you
If you had not been born."
Anna jumped up from the table
Anna started to scream
But Victor came slowly after her
Like a horror in a dream.
She dodged behind the sofa
She tore down a curtain rod
But Victor came slowly after her
Said, "Prepare to meet thy God."
She managed to wrench the door open
She ran and she didn't stop
But Victor followed her up the stairs
And he caught her at the top.
He stood there above the body
He stood there holding the knife
And the blood ran down the stairs and sang,
"I'm the Resurrection and the Life."
They tapped Victor on the shoulder
They took him away in a van
He sat as quiet as a lump of moss
Saying, "I am the Son of Man."

Victor sat in a corner
Making a woman of clay
Saying, "I am Alpha and Omega, I shall come
To judge the earth some day."

- W.H. Auden

An Observation

You know what really sucks? A papercut on your lip. Great Googly Moogly, this thing stings!

Nothing like a slight laceration in a moist area of your body to remind you all day and night of what a clumsy moron you are.