Life's Annoying Music #1: "The Boys Are Back In Town"

Welcome to the first in a new series of posts that will generally go on and on about the idiotic songs and artists that have somehow made it onto our radios and TV screens. Some posts will be short and to the point, some will be short and may not have any conceivable point whatsoever, and some will be full-on semi-lengthy rants. I know there are people out there who like this dreck they call music, but I don't, and this is my blog...so there. Nanny-nanny-boo-boo. Take my words with a grain of salt and appreciate the humor that is mostly-intended here.

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Today's song is one I've heard way too often over the years. It's on the playlist of pretty much every classic rock station I've ever heard. It's the kind of non-sensical, machismo bullcrap that ruled the '70's, and made me glad I wasn't old enough for music to start affecting my life until the '80's. "The Boys Are Back In Town", by Thin Lizzy. My god, I hate this song.

"Guess who just got back today? Those wild-eyed boys that had been away. Haven't changed, haven't much to say, But man, I still think those cats are crazy."

Just who are these "boys", where did they go and why? The song never really answers these questions, so I'm forced to ask, who gives a fuck?

"And the time over at Johnny's place, Well this chick got up and she slapped Johnny's face. Man we just fell about the place. If that chick don't want to know, forget her"

Sounds like Johnny is supposed to be one of "the boys", and a character of considerable charisma. Sounds more like "that chick" knows a fucking loser when she sees one. Good for you, sister. Slap him a couple more times for me, and feel free to kick him in the nuts.

"Friday night they'll be dressed to kill, Down at Dino's bar and grill. The drink will flow and blood will spill. And if the boys want to fight, you'd better let 'em."

So let me get this straight. Let's say I'm Dino, and these putzes come into my establishment, drinking heavily and picking fights with my customers, getting blood all over the place...and I "better let 'em"? Dino, call the police and get these "boys" out of your bar and grill, quick, before someone writes a song about them and labels your place as a sleazy dive that lets brainless thugs have the run of the place. Oops, too late.

"The boys are back in town, the boys are back in town..." (repeat ad nauseum)

Yeah, yeah...whatever, "boys". I don't know where you've been, but you can just go back there, for all I care. Tell the judge how cool you are, and on your way to prison, stop and tell Thin Lizzy they suck. Maybe they'll write a song about your adventures in trying to break out of jail. What? They did that already? Well, go fucking figure.

Aren't songs about general lawlessness so entertaining?

This concludes our rant on history's shitty music. We now return you to your normal train of thought.